I turned 28 last week and the days before, I took the time to reflect and retrospect on the past 27 years. I must say, I’ve learned a lot from them, especially last year where I felt life, in general, took a toll on me, and looking back, I can’t help but give myself a tap on the back for being able to go through them.
I’m just so damn proud of myself.
Thus, in this article, I won’t be giving 8 design lessons but rather 8 life lessons I’ve learned for the past years, and give a few personal experiences of how I learned them. I hope you’ll get something out of this.
1. Choose your struggles wisely
You have to learn to pick your battles. Know which battles you are willing to exhaust all your energy, time, and patience.
It was in university that I learned this lesson. I really wanted to be a musician, but later on, in my professional life, I realized that if I went through the path of being one, I’m not willing to take on the struggles that go with it. I can’t sit all day reading music sheets, practicing to hit the right keys and notes, studying the life of different musicians, and so on… But it was in Design, it was in Design where I am willing to take on any obstacles with arms wide open and head-on.
Why?
Because it is where I find happiness and joy.
And so, happiness is a struggle. You have to choose your struggles wisely.
2. Don’t be sad over things you cannot change
We tend to hold on to our disappointments, sadness, loneliness, and all sorts of emotions when shit happens to us. And that’s totally normal. We are humans!
But sometimes, when it is pretty obvious that no matter what we do, or after all the efforts we’ve made, and still nothing has changed, all we can do is to let go.
I know it is cruel that you got retrenched because of a pandemic. It hurts to know that you’ve been cheated on. And it frustrates you that your neighbor who borrowed money from you 3 years ago, will never pay you back. But these are the things that we cannot change and the longer we dwell on it, the heavier it gets.
So let go…
You can be sad for a moment or a while, but let these emotions be a fleeting thing. You can be aware of them and that’s enough. Emotions are like clouds that will fade away, and through the best recipe called Time, you will achieve healing.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it — Charles Swindoll
3. Be in the present. Be present at the moment
I grew up being taught that I have to prepare for the future. My mom would tell me “Study hard so you will be successful when you grow up,” And that’s what exactly I did, I used today’s time to prepare for my future. But I realized, I’ve missed seeing the beauty of today. I missed noticing how blue the skies were, how heart-warming a baby’s laughter, how good my lunch was, and how beautiful the skyscrapers were during my commute home at night.
And in the end I think I’ve learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I’ve even gone one step further than my father did. The truth is I now don’t travel back at all, not even for the day. I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life. — Time Lake (About time movie)
So be present at the moment, because this is where exactly you are supposed to be. You only have strength for today, and so problem tomorrow’s problem for tomorrow.
4. Have your own metrics of success
The world can be cruel at times, especially if you keep comparing yourself to others. It can also be demanding if you let yourself be conformed by its standards like, finish college at 21, get married at 27, have a kid before 30, earn this amount of $$$ by this time, and a shit ton more standards.
And so as you grow old, you have to have a definite metric of success.
But make it yours.
Make it your own.
And it’s up to you how or where you’ll get it, but what matters is, it is your own perceived success and you don’t care whatever other people will say.
In my career, I thought that success is about landing a job in a big startup, with thousands of employees and being able to design for millions of users just because it’s what the world says. But now, I realized that success for me is being in an environment that motivates, brings out the better designer in me, and where I can make an impact, even to just a single user.
And so, we shouldn’t hastily look down at people because they don’t share the same metrics with us. Because at the end of the day, it is only you who can define your success and your happiness.
5. A strong relationship is vulnerable. So be in a relationship, where it allows you to be one.
I’ve never appreciated vulnerability up until I’ve become one. I’ve always thought that to be vulnerable means to be weak, and so when it comes to relationships I’ve learned to wear full armor gear to look strong so that a relationship can triumph. But it never worked. I learned that a strong relationship means accepting vulnerability. It is being vulnerable enough to say I love you first, to admit that you’re having a hard time and you want them to be there, or to cry because things are too overwhelming.
And vulnerability in relationships is not a one-way thing. It is a two-way street. You can be vulnerable and your vulnerability will be embraced by the other, not criticized nor judged as too dramatic or too emotional.
Look for a relationship where vulnerability is a strength rather than a weakness, and that my friend, will lead to a relationship that triumphs.
6. Eat good food
I remember this quote I’ve stumbled upon:
Make your food as your medicine, otherwise you will have to eat medicines as your food
This stuck in me and I’m still keeping this wisdom whenever I will have those times where I don’t pay attention much to my eating lifestyle. We tend to overlook what we eat because they all taste good. We would have a week of fried dishes, sweets, and even happy hours. But the happy hours will only stay for hours, and the effect of it might stay for years.
I’m not saying that having a good time is not a good thing. But what I know is, anything that is too much is, too much.
We have to take care of ourselves, and eating good food is one way of doing it.
It was in high school when my teacher wrote this quote on our board:
Do everything in moderation
He said, if you want to smoke, then smoke moderately. If you want to drink, then drink moderately because anything that is too much is dangerous.
7. Hustle is not for everyone
Usually, I love to hustle. I like spending my weekend writing articles, exercising, reading books, or do some side projects. But weeks before my birthday, I chose to just plainly exist. In short, I was just a couch potato, and it felt so good.
I didn’t feel guilty that I’ve spent those weekends eating, watching, playing, and repeating them until the sun sets.
It’s just totally fine.
And so, if you are one of those people who think that you have to hustle and be productive at all times, well maybe you should give “existing” a chance because it helps.
It helped me to see everything around me, that I didn’t recognize much for I’m so focused on being productive. But again, remember what my teacher said “Do everything in moderation”
8. Love is the most wonderful thing. It’s not a cliche. It’s the truth.
When I say love, it’s just not confounded on the romantic ones. It can be love to your family, to your friends, to your pets, to your neighbors, to your faith and beliefs, or even to your country.
When I say love, it’s the totality of love. The love itself.
And the most beautiful thing about Love is it doesn’t need any reason to exist.
Love in itself is enough.
Love needs no reason other than love itself — Haenim Sunim
And if one day you feel like love is drying up in your life. Try to look around you. Look at the beauty that surrounds you — that’s where you’ll be reminded about Love.
I hope this inspires you!
